the Summer before my oldest child was about to enter the colorful world of Preschool, we got a call from his new teacher. she called to say YAY he was in her class and that she wanted to COME TO OUR HOUSE and visit with him before school started. he was almost 4. and child #2 was almost 2. so, ya know, picture my house. the inside of my house.
i panicked a little, but i had about a week to get it organized and get that smell out of the carpet (milk? moldy cheerios?). i made sure the kids books were put away on their little book shelf, that their toys were organized, that the kitchen was clean (what if she helps herself to a glass of water?), that the dog poop was picked up (what if she wants to throw a ball around in the backyard?), and that the bathroom was de-grossed. in our house, the fancy guest bathroom moonlights as a kids bathroom. so, yeah.
on Home Visit day, i made sure to remain calm and not scowl at the kids and give them whatever they wanted to avoid tantrums at all costs. i had an urge to run to the hardware store and grab a few plants to brighten up our porch, but decided a better plan would be to just watch out the kitchen window for her and then hurry her in so she wouldn’t linger long on the flowerless porch. but i got distracted (darn!) and before i knew it she was knocking and spent a few seconds on the porch.
my soon-to-be preschooler ran and hid. double-darn. i picked up my 2 year old, opened the door, and invited the new Teacher in. she was happy and all smiles and just what you’d want in a Preschool Teacher. i showed her the living room and said i’d go find my preschooler, and she said “that’s ok, let him come out of hiding when he is ready.” nicely done, Teacher. so we chatted a bit and i relaxed.
and then my preschooler came out of hiding. crawling down the hallway. under a blanket. like a moving pile of laundry. into the living room, and stopped at the Teacher’s feet. well, this was new. i am pretty sure i blushed. but the Teacher just laughed and pulled the blanket off and said “hey there! what a cutie you are!” and he giggled and joined us on the couch. phew.
the Teacher asked him his name and proceeded to ask him if he knew what Preschool was, if he was excited. he said yes and yes. and then she asked him what he likes to do the MOST. well, i knew this answer! basketball of course! and it was going to be a GREAT answer, show that he plays outdoors, is athletic, can play with a team. he’s GOT this. and then he said:
“play video games.”
oh geez. i had spent so much time preparing my house, i forgot to prepare my kid. before i could say “psst, what about basketball?” the Teacher said “oh yeah? what is your favorite video game?” please say Elmo, please say Elmo…
“boxing.”
WHAT. WE DON”T LET HIM PLAY THE BOXING GAME. is this kid for real? i was stunned. and quiet. i was too quiet. i should have said something. the Teacher was very kind and nodded and said “my kids like that game too.” she didn’t look my way, but if she did, she would have seen my eyes doing the morse code for “this kid is a liar”.
and then she asked him if he likes books, and he nodded, and i let out a sigh of relief. i morse coded to my son: tell her we read all day every day! tell her! he stayed quiet. the Teacher brought out her very own book that she brought. and she read it to him. and then asked him a question at the end. and he stared blankly at her. come on, you’ve GOT THIS, answer the question. but he just laughed and said:
“awkward!” giggle giggle giggle.
and i wanted to hide. my husband has a running joke with our son. and it consists of this word. they just say “awkward!” at random things and then laugh.
so, yeah, that happened. all in all she was very sweet, and my son was in her class for 2 years, and child #2 had her too. and she never did get that glass of water, play in the backyard, or use the bathroom. but if i hadn’t cleaned them, you better believe she would have.
RITZ
momantic comedy 
OMG. I can see this happening to me.